January 2012
46 posts
4 tags
Jan 1st
3 notes
December 2011
44 posts
1 tag
Fun with Family Feud
Me: Name a place where you’d find a lot of sweaty men. Dave: Gay bathhouse. Me: I… I don’t think that’s a top-five answer. «next round» Me: Name something that comes in nuggets. Dave: Chicken. Me: Gold. Dave: Um… Me: Poop. Dave: POOP NUGGETS?? What the hell is wrong with you? Me: WHATEVER, GAY BATHHOUSE.
Dec 31st
6 notes
Dec 31st
106 notes
1 tag
Dec 31st
1,769 notes
1 tag
Dec 31st
528 notes
Dec 31st
1,823 notes
1 tag
Things that have happened in the last week or so: I started fostering a young male pit bull who is so ridiculously sweet, I can’t even stand it. Housebroken, crate-trained, good with dogs and people, quiet, cuddly, smart, sleepy. You totally want to adopt him. Said pit bull got a little too excited one night, threw his face into mine and chipped my front tooth so that I now look like a...
Dec 31st
1 tag
Yep, this happened.
Family is playing Family Feud on the iPad.
Lisa: Name a fruit that people eat for breakfast.
Mom: EGGS.
Dad: BACON.
Dec 28th
3 notes
1 tag
Dec 22nd
2 notes
1 tag
Brooke Burke’s commercial for Sketchers begins with her saying this: “I’m always been passionate about walking.” About walking. Walking. I think we can all agree that this is the most absurd statement ever. 
Dec 22nd
1 tag
“She really missed her calling. Should’ve been an actress. All this...”
– Mom, on my over-the-top, frighteningly dramatic (but beloved) Jewish grandma
Dec 17th
2 tags
Dec 16th
2 notes
Dec 16th
Dec 16th
56,045 notes
Dec 16th
1,351 notes
Dec 16th
64 notes
Dec 16th
1 note
Dec 16th
1 tag
Dec 15th
6,449 notes
Dec 15th
3,240 notes
Dec 15th
56,072 notes
2 tags
After Grandma sent me an email warning women about...
Grandma: Did you get my email?
Me: I did.
Grandma: Well?
Me: Well. Um, I park in a parking garage at work.
Grandma: What?
Me: Yeah, and so now I always look around to make sure I'm not murdered. Good stuff.
Grandma: That's nice.
Me: ...What email are you talking about?
Grandma: I sent you a Zappos e-gift certificate.
Me: *facepalm*
Dec 15th
2 notes
1 tag
True story
Caller: ”Hello. Do you have an Italian to American dictionary?” (Note that the caller doesn’t seem to have trouble speaking English, and has a New York accent.) Me: “We have Italian to English dictionaries.” Customer: “No, no. I need Italian to American because English is a different language, right?” Me: “The English language is what we speak...
Dec 14th
2 tags
Dec 11th
Dec 11th
165 notes
Dec 10th
5,005 notes
Dec 10th
81 notes
3 tags
Dec 9th
11 notes
1 tag
Dec 9th
3 tags
Dec 9th
517 notes
3 tags
Dec 9th
1 note
4 tags
Dec 9th
2 notes
1 tag
You know it’s time to stop dressing like a hobo when you’re seriously considering hopping into bed in your dress and tights just so your husband can see you in something other than sweatpants when he comes home. I know what you’re thinking and yes, marriage IS that glamorous.
Dec 9th
Dec 8th
1 tag
Dec 7th
1 tag
Dec 7th
111 notes
3 tags
Dec 6th
4 notes
Dec 6th
1,888 notes
Dec 5th
2 tags
Dec 5th
1 tag
Dec 5th
1 tag
Dec 4th
1 tag
Dec 4th
778 notes
tumblr is the new goog reader
I mean, I hope.
Dec 4th